A beautiful session. Re-framing and role playing for the child who couldn’t speak up

One of the participants, we’ll call her Mary, during this last Intuitive Life Coach training allowed me to work with her inner child in front of the class. I have worked with Mary in private sessions so I was very familiar with the child, sex/cult abuse that has affected her throughout her life. It has shown up in various forms mentally, emotionally and physically in her. One of the physical symptoms which surfaced in her adult life was her throat developed scar tissue for no particular reason and she could not breathe. Her voice became very raspy. She had surgery on it to remove the scar tissue. Years later, the surgery had to be performed again.
As I began to process her in front of the class, she did not want to allow any emotions to surface or express herself in any way. I asked her how often in her life she has had things to say but felt like she not only could not say them, but would be punished if she did.
“My whole life,” she responded…. “My entire life has been one big facade of ‘let’s not tell anyone the truth.’ As an adult, when the truth surfaced, no one wanted to hear it and as a child, I could not speak up for myself. In fact I was threatened that I would be killed if I said anything to anyone about ANY inappropriate behavior that was happening to me.”
I began role playing with Mary. I took on being her mother. “Mary, I understand Daddy has done some very bad things to you and we need to talk about it.”
“No mommy, you don’t listen to me.”
“I want to listen to you this time; I want to be here for you.” Mary now begins to cry as emotions erupt, her hands begin to twist the pen in her hand gripping it tightly, pulling the lid off and slamming it back down. Anger is now elicited.
“No mommy, why would you listen, when you never listened before?”
“You’re right sweetie, I didn’t listen before, but now I want to do the right thing for you and I want to stop the bad behavior. Would you like to come with me while I go and confront Daddy?”
I then holler out to Mary’s father in a stern voice. “Mike, I need to speak with you! I know what you are doing to our daughter and it is going to stop this very moment! You will never touch her inappropriately ever again. You will not be alone with her and you will get some help so that this behavior does not continue. “
“That’s good mommy, oh that’s a good one, let him have it, tell him off Mommy! You tell him.” Mary’s anger turns to excitement.
“You and your son’s of bitch’s friends will never come around our daughter again!” (This is a term Mary had called the men who had abused her, it’s important to use the client’s own words to elicit emotion)
“Mommy, keep going, mommy, let them all have it, tell them the way it is going to be from now on!” I continue to set healthy boundaries for the child Mary until I can see Mary feels complete with Mom’s role.
I now move into the role of dad and kneel before Mary asking for her forgiveness.
“I am so sorry Mary. I have done very bad things to hurt you and I have allowed others to do horrible things to you as well. I am so sorry, Mary. Instead of keeping you safe, I was the one hurting you and allowing others to abuse you as well. I am going to get help. I will never lay a hand on you inappropriately again. I want to be a good daddy. I want to love you as a daddy should love his daughter. I want to take you to the park and play with you; I want to love you like you deserve to be loved.
A crying, softened heart Mary says, “That’s what I want too, Daddy. I want to be loved like a daughter should be loved. I want to feel safe sitting on your lap, with your arms hugging me and taking care of me. I’ve always wanted that Daddy. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“Can you forgive me Mary?”
Mary physically places her hands on my head as I role play daddy. “I forgive you daddy, I forgive you, I forgive you.”
At this point the entire classroom is in tears, including Daddy and Mary.
“Mary, is there anything else your child self needs at this time?”
“No I am complete…”
“With your arms out reached, bring your new healed child into your heart and raise her up to the current time and space back in your body, back in the room. Let me know when that is complete”
This was one of the most profound role playing, re-frames I have experienced. Putting it on paper does not do it justice.
I am very humbled to do this work, to listen to spirit as to the direction to go in sessions. I was not planning on role playing for this session; it all just fell into place. The rest of the week, Mary had a beautiful glow around her face and her body experienced a new level of peace. Sandra